#100HappyDays

#100HappyDaysCompleted

Cue the celebratory tunes. I did it, folks! I completed every single day of the #100HappyDays Challenge. I know it may not seem like much of an accomplishment to many but that just proves that you’ve never attempted it! Afterall, I am amongst a mere 29% of Happy Completers.

As one of the elite few to make it until the end, here is what I discovered while finding happiness in each day.

Make Time

While I cracked on the people who claimed that they didn’t have enough time to complete this challenge in the beginning, I kinda-sorta-maybe get it now. There were days when I was going full steam ahead with no stops on the track and others where I was just in a right foul mood. At the end of those sort of days, I would get hit with a “Oh Shitsticks!” wave of realization - I haven’t posted my happiness for the day! Obviously, the 71 percenters just gave up and went to bed without giving “this silly challenge” a second thought. I refused to let them be right. I was damned and determined to find some blip of bloody cheer on those nonstop, kick ya in the crotch kinda days and MAKE the time to relish in it -- no matter how silly or small it may have seemed to others. I give thanks to my stubborn streak for soldiering on and finding the time because ultimately, it made me smile when I found that little moment of happiness and would briefly make me forget about all the worries of the day.

Eat, Drink, And Be Merry

Food and bevys REALLY bring me joy. One or both of these things showed up in a whopping 30+ of my posts. I don’t find this surprising but I do find it amusing. Noms, java jolts, and boozing FOREVER!

Relishing Life Changes

In the mix of all of the small moments, I did have several major life events take place over the course of my 100 happy days.

31 going on 13!

My 31st birthday was celebrated! I said goodbye to that fresh faced 30 year old and am now IN my thirties. I somehow feel more adult(ish) having passed through the entryway year. You become more aware of your accomplishments and unfinished goals. I’ve found it to be incredibly enlightening and motivating.

I'm famous!

My very first piece of published writing went global on one of my favorite sites, HelloGiggles! This was a major two thumbs up moment for me and a real boost for the ole writing endeavors. It’s pushed me to set even loftier goals and really stretch my scribing to new heights.

Beebe & Adam: A love story!

My bestie for the restie got engaged to the love of her life in NYC! I was fortunate enough to have a hand in both the planning of it and being there to witness such a truly beautiful and momentous occasion for Beebe and Adam. It was a happy sobbing kind of day in Central Park.

The happiest auntie in the world!

My gorgeous little niece, Felicity came into the world on September 9th. I have never known a love like this before - it has filled my heart to the absolute brim and continues to overflow with love every time I see her precious baby face. Watching my little brother turn into the most doting and loving father makes me BEAM with bliss. Josh and Katie-Beth shine with love and happily sleep deprived new parent faces.

I cherished every one of these BIG moments during this challenge but it also helped me to relish in the small successes and persevere when the crummier moments tried to take over. It taught me to properly honor the GREAT days, to feel EVERYTHING, and always find the GOOD in each and every day.

I highly recommend finding happiness for 100 days straight. I guarantee it will overflow into the days beyond.

Peace, Love, + Good Cheer

Bekah

A Novel Idea

From a young age, I would be willing to bet that many of you were under the impression that to be a great writer or other creative type was a matter of luck - you're either born to be a gifted scribe or you're not. The older (and hopefully) wiser I become, I find this notion to be both false and a bit insulting.

I spent many years fighting the urge to choose writing as a profession because every single thing that I wrote wasn't a divine masterpiece. Seeing English papers that looked like they had been stabbed to death made me feel stifled and defeated. Especially when I chose to flex my creative muscles and write in a nontraditional manner. I couldn't understand why being creative was a bad thing.

I've recently started working with an amazing organization called A Novel Idea (ANI). This summer I am assisting with a novel writing camp that has kids ages 9-16 working on their first (and even second) novels. It's an amazing feeling to see someone so young accomplishing such a major task - a task that most adults are too terrified to ever attempt. Watching these young, fresh creatives powering through word after word is incredibly inspiring - pushing me forward in my own writing.

After camp wraps up, I will be setting out as a Wordy Instructor for ANI's Pen & Paper Club. This marvelous after school (or before school) program is offered to wordy bird kids throughout participating public and private schools in the Nashville area. I will be teaching these kiddos how to write things like haikus, odes, prose, and short stories - all with a dose of passion and no judgement. Writing feeds the soul and this program gives them the tools they need to express themselves through the written word without facing the dreaded red ink staring back at them and potentially stifling their creativity. It inspires them to write from the heart and without fear - because the more they write, the more they WILL become a better in their writing.

Just like an athlete or musician must practice, so must a writer. We aren't all born with "the gift" but we are born with the ability to work hard at something we love. It took me until my late 20s to muster up the courage to finally try my hand at writing as a career - and every day that I meld words together makes me feel more alive. Every writer that I admire has the same important golden nugget of advice - you must practice your craft EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

Hard work and diligence - THAT is the key to being a good writer (or anything for that matter). Life doesn't generally just hand you what you want without putting forth the effort. I now try to write every single day in some capacity. Some days it is absolute rubbish - and that's okay. Failure and rejection go hand in hand with any successful journey. That is where you often learn and grow the most.

I wish that A Novel Idea existed when I was a teenager. Maybe it wouldn't have taken me almost 30 years to let go of the fear and put in the hard work to be a writer.

Better late than never.


Peace, Love, + Scribe,


Bekah

banishing "fat"

"I'm so FAT."

People don't realize the impact of those words. Often times they throw variations of that phrase around when they've either eaten too much or are feeling a bit pudgier than usual. It's far too overused and I know I've been guilty of it after devouring an entire package of Oreos (we've all been there). Here's the problem though. By using that word to describe things like poor eating choices or an extra 5lbs gained, we are actually shaming ourselves...and others in the process.

Why do I hate this word so much? Let me break it down for you.

I have struggled with body image and eating disorders throughout my life. It started during those awkward early teenage years when my body went berserk and decided to carve out all of these womanly curves in my body. When you are one of the early bloomers, you often become a target of objectification by teenage boys and the hate/envy of the girls on a slower course. I didn't know what to do with all of that attention and instead of speaking to someone about it (I now know the glories of therapy), I decided to either eat or starve my feelings. 

I want you to imagine this for a moment - you're surrounded by pervy teenage boys ogling you, while the girls are either curve shaming you or hating on their own thinner bodies. It was too many conflicting emotions for this already overly sensitive teen. I could easily take the slurs because I was smart enough to know it was usually coming from a place of jealousy. What really got to me was their own self criticism. All I see are these perfectly toned, beautiful teenage girls calling themselves fat, talking about chubby thighs and their imaginary muffin tops. Naturally, overly hormonal and hyper self-critical teenage Bekah is looking at her own body and thinking "my legs are far more stout...they actually TOUCH - and my stomach is BIGGER than any of those girls. So...are they calling ME fat?" 

In my young self-conscious and distorted eyes, absolutely.

For many years, I went through vicious cycles of binging, purging, crash dieting, and starving my body. Even though I have finally come to accept and love my body in all of its womanly curve glory (on most days), I still cringe when I hear someone who is smaller than me call their self "fat". On an intellectual level, I understand what they probably mean -- they don't feel healthy or comfortable in their own skin. However, the former eating disorder in me does the comparison act. It's a dreadful habit that I hope to one day break, but what I would also like to see is people saying what they really mean instead of using such harsh words so lightly. I fully understand the need to improve yourself, to feel strong and comfortable in your own body. You know what you are capable of and when you might not feel like you are at your best, so say THAT instead of "I'm Fat".

We already live in such a critical world where women in particular are held to such INSANE standards of beauty. So why are we further contributing to it by using these negative words with such ease. You never know who is listening and how it might affect them -- like a young impressionable girl struggling with her own changing body.

Perhaps we should all take the time to be more aware of others, be kinder to ourselves, and for the love of all that is good and holy - stop using that hideous word!

Peace, Love, + Fat Out,

Bekah

happy days are yours and mine

#100HappyDays

I have been seeing this hashtag float about on various social media outlets and finally decided to look into it yesterday - and I am so HAPPY that I did.

Essentially, it's a movement to challenge us to stop and smell the roses - to take time from our busy schedules and really think about the little moments of beauty in our daily lives. It's so easy to get swept up in the mundane, becoming zombie-like and immune to the little pleasures. This challenge forces you to embrace each day and find the happiness in it for 100 days straight. Sounds easy enough, right?

Wrong.

According to the website, 71% of people who attempted this challenge failed due to "lack of time".

Really? We don't "have the time" to recognize at lease one moment of happiness in each day? That is just sad - and proof that the majority of us can't take our head out of our asses long enough to realize just how lucky we actually have it. Anyone who knows me would say that I'm generally a pretty happy person - but like most, I often get caught up in moaning on about things like how I don't want to go to work or how I should probably lose a few pounds before my next big adventure. In the grand scheme of things, those are some pretty awesome problems. It means that I have a JOB that PAYS me, I have access to delicious FOOD, and I get to take amazing VACATIONS. It's a rough life for me, innit?

So this little blog is my vow to get my head out of my ass for 100 days straight and see the delight in both the big and the small moments.

May it teach to me to be more observant, optimistic, thankful, and HAPPY.


You can follow my daily dose of joy on Instagram - @southerndreamer and I inspire you to join me, friend. Let's get merry!

Peace, Love, and Good Cheer,


Bekah

F-R-I-E-N-D-S

In honor of National Best Friend Day, it seemed like a good time to get chummy with y'all.

You always hear people saying that in your life, you can probably count your true friends on just one hand. I've always found that idea to be really interesting and quite honestly, under par throughout my life. No matter where I've traveled or lived, I have made some truly deep and lasting friendships. I may not talk to them everyday, but I can safely say that I could call on any number of people at any given time and they would be there for me in a flash. My mom always told me how fortunate I am to draw such quality people into my life and as I've gotten older, I now realize just how rare this is for most people.

Friendships come in all forms but what I find most interesting about those I've made in my life is that most of them happened in the most divine or unconventional of ways.

Fate brought me and my absolute best together after we had both come out of disastrously bad relationships (the thank God we dodged that bullet kind) and moved into the same shared apartment. That was ten years ago now and what a wild ride it's been! It's pretty incredible to know a person that truly understands and supports you, will tell you when you're being a complete twit, and can laugh with (or at) you so hard that you both end up breathless and peeing your pants. Soulmate besties!

I've also always been great at long distance and online friendships.

It started as a child. I had a knack for making fast friends in the hotel pool on vacations and loved writing letters back and forth when we would return home. I was a regular little pen pal-er from an early age! I have found that you really get to know people through the written word because there is comfort and openness to it. This transformed as the internet came to the forefront. For starters, I am a loud and proud supporter of online dating - it's the whole reason I met and fell in love with the best friend and most super duper amazingly awesome man in the whole wide world (THANK YOU INTERNET!). I have several close and fabulous pals that all began from simply sharing back and forth on twitter. I am forever grateful to the age of social media and the blogosphere. It has been an essential key to staying in touch with the people that matter most to me and meeting new people from all walks of life. From my wonderfully whacky family and hometown, to my college years spent working in Peanut Hell (Logan's Roadhouse for those not in the know), to international internship programs, year long drunkfests in Austin, grad schooling in London, travel adventures, and a thriving online community -- I have been surrounded and saved by life-changing friendships.

So no matter what type of friend you are to me - new, old, online, school, travel, work, best, family - I am grateful.

I dedicate this classic tune to all of you (because we all know I love any chance to squeeze in something awesomely cheesy and related to my childhood - Zack Attack!!!!).

Peace, Love, and Friends Forever,

Bekah

Relaxed + Happy: A Weekend in Asheville

Bekah Travel Fact: I start to get grumpy and uninspired if I don't get out of town every couple of months. No one wants to be around me, including myself. So how does a girl trying to save money manage to both save her sanity and keep it budget friendly? A drive-able getaway, of course. Since much of my travel monster nature comes from my adventuring mama, it seemed fitting that we gals should set out on a mother/daughter trip to Asheville, NC.

Here's the rundown: if you're a fan of music, delicious local bites, unique shops, and relaxation; Asheville is the town for you.

The night we arrived, they happened to be having a free concert series called Downtown After 5. There were several local bands playing followed by the always hip and super soulful, St. Paul & The Broken Bones. The sound of horns were pumping through the air and there were happy hippies swaying in the streets everywhere. It was quick to see that music is a major vein in that city with cool venues and record shops all around.

Then there's the Asheville food and beverage scene, folks. Any restaurant or bar you choose to eat at is probably going to be deliciously dynamite and full of local ingredients. A few of our samplings included Bouchon (French comfort food at its bon appetite-iest), Mela Indian Restaurant (I wanted to swim in a sea of that Lamb Pistachio curry), and Battery Park Book Exchange and Champagne Bar (good reads and bubbly cocktails together in perfect harmony). I was sadly coming off of a stomach virus, so my booze drinking was limited but that town is obviously a beer drinkers paradise. It's home to at least 10 breweries and brewpubs that I will most definitely be checking out on my next visit.

Bubbles & Books!

The shops you go in will most likely be locally owned and full of treasures. I had to keep my shopping addiction in check because I wanted ALL THE THINGS. For rad vintage pieces, check out Madame Butterfly and for endless knickknack browsing, go to L.O.F.T. (Lost Objects Found Treasures). However, my favorite find was Olive & Kickin' - a gourmet shop featuring some the of the best flavored olive oils and balsamic vinegars that will ever grace your mouths presence. I walked away with the unbelievably delicious Fig Balsamic and Espresso Balsamic but wanted to buy one of everything! [Get some here and you can thank me later.] Oh, and fear not my boutique loving friends, just turn down any street and you are going to be broke and happily dressed.

Vintage Heaven at Madame Butterfly.

Another really interesting and especially relaxing experience my mom and I had was at Asheville's Therapeutic Salt Cave. This particular salt was mined from caves in Poland and are meant to be a place of meditation and healing for all sorts of ailments. Considering I had been struggling to breath with the allergies from hell, it seemed like a nice little experiment. So we decided to give it a go and tacked on a nice massage to get the fully relaxed experience. Once you enter the cave, you either get settled into a zero gravity chair or pick a pile of blankets and pillows on the salt covered floor. I opted for the floor which was basically like laying on a sandy beach in the dark with a perfectly chilled temperature. The lady working the counter walks you through all of the potential benefits of salt caves and then leads you into meditation. As a naturally anxious person, I'm usually pretty funny about being quite and left alone with my thoughts for too long (my mind can go to some crazy places) - but this was actually really lovely. I just sort of wrapped up in a blanket with a piece of salt on my stomach (as suggested) and drifted in and out of a very peaceful sleep for 45 minutes.

relaxation at its saltiest.

Do I think salt caves are magical and all curing? I've only been once, so it's hard to say. What I can say is that it cleared my head right up! So maybe there is something to this salt business after all? Even if you think it's all a bunch of bologna, I still recommend giving it a go just for the relaxing environment and experience.

So the next time you're itching to get out of town for a relaxing weekend, I highly recommend Asheville. It's lusciously green, full of yums, and hippy dippy in all the best ways.

If you ever wandered where I got it from - I leave you with my magical mother.

Peace, Love, and Getaway,


Bekah



 

these are a few of my favorite distractions.

The internet.

As an aspiring writer and someone that is trying to be more productive in life, it can be both a huge blessing...and curse. On the one hand, I am able to easily research ideas for blogs, discover new music, watch obscure indie films, and connect with interesting people from all over the world.

Then there's my other hand - the easily distracted one. I can fall into the black hole that is an adorable cat video so fast it would make your head spin. One minute, I am reading a very important world news article or basking in the glow of a brilliant blog idea and in the next second, I am on a tumblr page with endless memes of Sherlock dancing.

i mean. C'MON. this is SHERLOCKTACULAR.

There are some truly hilarious things out there and it can be an endless sea of ridiculous if you get sucked in...which I do...quite regularly. Just in the time it has taken me to write this little bit of a blog, I have probably checked my twitter feed like 8 times, facebooked, posted a photo on Instagram, watched a how-to video on makeup contouring, and googled how to get Beyonce's body (which is a LOT more work than I really want to do). 

So how do we stay focused in a world where anything and everything is at our fingertips? Beats the hell out of me. If someone figures it out, please pass the information along. 

In the meantime, check out my  "5 Favorite Ways Bekah Loses Productivity". 

1. Jimmy Fallon Clips  

I swear, Jimmy Fallon must sit around and think of ways to make me happy. I love all of his extra little show bits but my favorites are the lip sync battles. They're all brilliant and will fill even the coldest of hearts with joy. Below is the most recent battle with one of my dream celeb besties, Emma Stone. But before you watch it, let's all thank John Krasinski for introducing the lip sync battle to Jimmy. Our lives are far funnier and more distracted with them in it. 

2. Buzzfeed Quizzes

I can spend HOURS perusing all things Buzzfeed. It's an endless sea of interesting lists, whacky memes, and most importantly - the wonderful world of top notch time-wasting quizzes. They are obviously super scientific and no one I know would take them multiple times just because they didn't like the original result (guilty). I mean, who doesn't need to know the ever important answer to "Which Amazing Woman From History Should you Get Drunk With" (apparently my love of dancing got me an exotic dancer and courtesan named Mata Hari) to "How sweary Are You" (totally NSFW but hilarious)? Everyone, that's who!

3. HelloGiggles

This is absolutely one of my favorite sites! It is an online community created by women for women (but don't worry boys, you could learn a lot from it too). It was created by Zooey Deschanel and two of her favorite gal pals as a way for women to come and share their voices in a way that promotes and praises positivity. We see so much shaming and negativity in the media, it's a breath of fresh air to see a space where women come together without judgement and choose to lift each other up instead. If you like things like how to's, laughing, real deal life issues, nostalgia, and all the best kinds of girl power - you too will adore HelloGiggles. [Check out one of my recent favorites on positive body image.] 

4. Cover Me Songs

If you love a good cover song as much as I do, this is the place to be. You will find all sorts of musical gems - the big names, the no names, the beautiful, and the downright weird. I have found loads of new artists here, but the best part about this site is how hearing a favorite song re-imagined can make you fall in love with it all over again...or getting to hear one of your favorite childhood shows like Ducktales get its theme song totally slow jammed. Thank you POW!GRL, oo-oo! 

5. Coming Soon

Anyone reading this who knows me must have been waiting on a film related distraction. This site is basically full of movie news and trailers galore! I can sit and watch film trailers for HOURS. I then carefully file the watchable flicks under the "totally worth paying for at the cinema", "wait until it's on Netflix or at Redbox", or "this is so obscure, where can I find it online" list. The extra dangerous part - they have television show trailers too! So basically, it's my own inescapable vortex of movie and tv magic. 

I mean, I found THIS. And yes, I'm fully aware that as a 30 year old woman, I probably shouldn't be so frickin' excited about a "Girl Meets World" trailer but what can I say...I'm a 90s chick. Cory + Topanga 4ever!!!!

What are some of your favorite online distractions? I could really use a few more...

Peace, Love, and Memes Forever,

Bekah

let's hear it for the boys for the girls

As I was catching up on my DVR this morning and getting my laugh on with Ellen, Pharrell Williams was a guest. I've always adored Pharrell but listening to him chat about his newest album GIRL made my love for him (and that album) grow exponentially! It celebrates women in the best way - shunning the ridiculous beauty standards which we are held to and promotes being unique and strong. Sure, I'm aware he also co-wrote "Blurred Lines" (which I had stuck in my head for MONTHS and proves I am no hardcore feminist) but I think this album was his way of showing his personal views on women in society and his abounding love for us.

That interview got me thinking about all of the other male celebs who I have heard/seen vocalizing their support for women's rights in one form or another. So this blog is dedicated to a few of the hottie male celebs standing by our side. 


Pharrell Williams

I think I said it all above, but go listen to his album and find out for yourself. Love you for real, Pharrell!

Ryan Gosling

Not only is Ryan Gosling one of the sexiest and most wanted men on the planet, he was raised by a single mom and has always been very vocal about his support and love for us women. There's even a book of feminist theory inspired by our favorite sensitive movie man. Thanks for being so hunky and supportive, Mr. Gosling. 

John Legend

John Legend can melt you into a puddle of feelings with his smooth voice and piano hands. But maybe you didn't know that he's been busy speaking up for women's rights and always praising his stunning wife, Chrissy Teigen (I kind of love following her on twitter). 

Do yourself a favor and go watch his video for "All of Me". *SWOON*




Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Joseph Gordon-Levitt refers to his mother a radical feminist and while I'm certainly not in that category (I'm more feminist-ish), I'm a major fan of any mother raising her son to appreciate and respect women. He knows we are strong, capable, and smart.

While I do love being feminine and girly, I also know that I am more than what I look like - and so does JGL. 









Sir Patrick Stewart

As if I needed another reason to love Professor X, he's gone and given me a million more. He witnessed the abuse of his mother by his father as a child and is now using his privileged position to be a major advocate and player in the fight against the violence of women. It's a sad and terrible reality but it gives me hope to see men fighting for this cause. Right on, Sir Patrick! 

Keep up the good work and your joyful friendship with Sir Ian McKellen. These moments are pure happiness. 






So let's raise a glass to all of the sexy men, celeb or not (like my sweet darling), who know that women are just as smart, capable, funny, and strong as them. I look forward to the day when this is a non issue but until then, let's fight on my ladies and gents!


Peace, Love, + Girl Power,

Bekah

totally OBSESSED.

Obsession. It started at an early age for me. I would latch on to a particular article of clothing, activity, idea, or person and it became my everything, my precious. There was the year when I was six years old and had a red Ballet leotard that that I insisted on wearing at some point during each and every day (I changed like 10 times a day, mind you). Or the year when I swore I was going to become a fashion designer and drew (terrible) clothing with crayons for hours upon hours. Let's not forget the years when I was certain I would be an award winning journalist and created hard hitting (terrible) family newspapers with my cousin, Steph.

However, the biggest obsessions I always had were with people - but not just any people, super mega famous people. Perhaps it was because I grew up in such a small town and aside from a whole lot of nature, there wasn't much else to do aside from renting movies, watching (too much) television, and listening to the radio. As a young thing, I had nothing but time to obsess about these supa-stars and I would sit and daydream for hours on end. My imagination would run wild and sometimes I would even write stories about how we would meet followed by our entire future together. I was a total whack-a-doo and I laugh so much when I think about it now.

There have been many great infatuations over the years, so I thought I would share a few of the highlights with you. I'm sure you'll either find this embarrassingly relatable (hello, fellow obsessive lunatic) or give you a pretty good laugh at just how insane past Bekah truly was...

Age 6-10: Mark-Paul Gosselaar

Zack Morris, so cool he could stop time.

Mark-Paul Gosselaar with his charming grin and mischievous ways -how could I not adore him? We spent every afternoon together after school with Saved by the Bell. I had convinced my tiny self that he was totally gonna love me when I was old enough to move away and date. MPG, your cheeky ways will always make my little girl heart go boom boom.

Age 11-13: Devon Sawa

Can I keep you?

Sure he was in Little Giants first but when Devon Sawa uttered those words above in Casper, every pre-teen girl let out a gushing sigh. I was hooked on Devon and those soft blue eyes. I distinctly remember watching Now and Then like a bazillion times just because he ran through the woods naked and if you paused your video at just the right moment, you could see "things". It was totally scandalous and sent me and my girlfriends into fits of giggles. Oy!  

Age 13-16 (ahem, 30): Leonardo Dicaprio

Romeo, Romeo, brood your way into my heart, oh Romeo.

Radiohead's "Talk Show Host" started playing and then it happened - Leo appeared smoking that cig and he was looking all smokey and broody with a journal in his lap and the sun beaming behind. That was all it took, I was a Leo lovin' maniac from Romeo + Juliet on. I conveniently worked at a movie store at the time and watched his films over and over and over and OVER again. I would rave about his painfully beautiful face and unwavering talent to anyone who would listen. I went and saw Titanic like 7 times in the cinema and when it came out on video, I went to sleep to it every single night. I had books about him and poured over every BOP and Teen Beat magazine that featured him. While I have quit hanging his posters on my walls and obsessing about his every move over the years, I still love Leo and all of his mega talent. It is a pure love and admiration that will last a lifetime...just like Jack and Rose.

Age 16-19: The Backstreet Boys

Top Left: me laying in all of my BSB swag. Top Right: my teen walls plastered with BSB. Bottom Left: My 16th BSB/Nick Carter themed birthday cake. Bottom Right: one of my Senior pictures WITH my BSB swag. 

Commence the laughter! As if it wasn't bad enough going through those awkward teen years, I decided to really do myself a favor and flaunt THIS. I think it's safe to say that you can understand how intense this BSB obsession was - I mean, I have a PROFESSIONAL PHOTO with my "collectibles", I went to countless concerts, kept every scrap of paper with any of their names on it, talked about Nick CONSTANTLY (my high school friends and teachers can attest to this fact), and here comes the real kicker - I'm in a book about their fans called Fans of the Millennium. I wish I was joking about this but on page 400something, the picture of me laying atop my BSB memorabilia stares hilariously back with a little bio and my favorite quotes from "the boys". Does it get more obsessive and embarrassing than that? 

Age 19-25 (ahem, 30): Johnny Depp

oh, you know, that's just me and JOHNNY DEPP. no big deal.

To be honest, I've loved Johnny for most of my life but the true obsessive behavior didn't begin until around age 19. There was less of plastering my walls with his face since social media had arrived and opened up a whole new world for sharing my love and obsessions. Let's just say that the ability to design my own MySpace background meant that when people went to my profile page, there first impression had to be "this girl is totally cray-cray for Johnny Depp"! I never missed an opening night of a JD film and in the summer of 2005, at the tender age of 21, a dream came true - I met THE man himself! I was living in London for the summer and dragged some friends to camp out for the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory premiere. I'm not sure exactly how long we waited but it was enough time for me to get through about half of the sixth Harry Potter book...so awhile. It was a whirlwind when it happened. I was actually able to get out words without stuttering and managed to be a remotely normal human up until he walked away and my knees went wobbly (the Johnny after effects). In my pathetic defense though, at least I wasn't the crazed lady next to me climbing the railing past his bodyguard to give him an unwanted kiss. Even my obsessive behaviors have limits, y'all.

I'm happy to say that I've calmed my obsessive ways - it only took 28 years and meeting the true love of my life (thanks for saving me from a lifetime of obsessive embarrassment, boo). But don't worry Mark-Paul, Devon, Leo, BSB, and Johnny - you'll always have a special place in my fangirl heart. 

So what are/were your obsessions? I would love to know that I'm not the only maniac. 

Peace, Love, & Infatuations,

Bekah

true life: anxiety girl

Heart-pounding, shortness of breath, head swirling, loss of body control, complete lack of sanity, and a sense of impending doom. In case you've never experienced this sensation (you lucky ducky), this is a panic attack. 

I was recently telling a friend about a specific episode of mine (see madness below) and she was completely mind boggled by the whole experience. She tried to be as supportive as possible but I could tell that part of her thought I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. Apparently not everyone has these and it didn't occur to me how completely INSANE I might sound to a non-sufferer. Even as I was laughing about the entire thing (you have to), I could see it in her eyes -- she thinks I'm cuckoo for cocoa puffs! 

I have been suffering from these for many years now and while I may laugh at myself afterwards, they still scare the living hell out of me. No amount of research on the subject will help when it hits you because reasoning with the insane person that takes hold of your body is the mental equivalent of wrestling with a rabid grizzly bear! However, I think more people need to be aware of the ugly (and let's face it, sometimes comical) truth behind anxiety and panic disorders. It's not something to be ashamed of or hidden. They are more common than most people will admit and I'm so sick of these sort of things being treated like they are unimportant or misunderstood. We anxiety filled folks need to be able to voice our craziest moments without shame or fear of being written off as deluded.

So I present to you one of my craziest episodes in order for you to better understand what goes through the mind of a friend, family member or colleague who too might suffer from panic attacks. 

Even though it's been four years, I still remember it like it was yesterday. It was a cool, wet spring day in London. I was in the midst of my final semester of grad school - projects, papers, and dissertation prep galore! I was simply trying to pick out something to wear to class when it hit me. My head started spinning, my heart pounding so hard I thought it might actually fly out of my chest. I felt queasy and uncontrollably angry. I don't remember much about the next few minutes aside from ripping all of my clothes from my wardrobe and throwing them wildly around my room. When I calmed down and came to, I was sobbing in the massive pile of clothes that hurricane Bekah had created in a storm of anxiety. I felt empty and exhausted. I just rocked back and forth trying to focus on my breathing and fighting with myself to come back to reality. It's an awful battle with yourself - you know that you are being unreasonable but the panic tries to drown you while you struggle to get to the surface of sanity. Seriously, there's no other way to say it - it's F&*#ing terrifying. 

Of course now, I can look back on that day and laugh at the complete mad woman that I must have looked like in that moment. It's the only way to get through when you have anxiety issues. Laugh at yourself and move on. That is something you will come to understand in time - an attack is temporary, you will survive it, breathing exercises are your friend, and you will have one helluva story when it's all said and done.

And for those of you who are lucky enough to not suffer from anxiety, I hope this helps you understand what it's like for us. Be kind and listen - even if you do secretly think we are all a bunch of nut-jobs!

Peace, Love, & Panic,

Bekah

must feed travel monster.

Wanderlust:  A very strong or irresistible impulse to travel.

This is one of my favorite words. Probably because it describes how I feel the majority of the time. If I am not off on a trip somewhere, then you can pretty much guarantee that I am dreaming about my next big adventure and plotting out when it will take place. Traveling is ALWAYS on my mind.

It’s a blessing and a curse, this wanderlust. On the one hand, you unearth so much about the world. You experience different cultures, smells, tastes, architecture, colors, religion, landscapes...and through this, you test boundaries and learn so much about yourself. Once you become a traveler, you will never be able to look at the world the same way. It causes an insatiable thirst for knowledge and adventure - you will always want to see and discover more and more.

The downside - finding the time and money for these journeys. It’s frustrating that these sort of silly things get in the way of such a beautiful experience but it’s a reality that we (poor) travelers have to face. I have purposely chosen jobs in my life based on flexibility in order to take off whenever my heart so desired. This is great and all but I still have bills to pay and obligations at home that seriously drain the funds. For example, I’m currently trying to be an “adult” and get myself out of debt (what a freaking bore) and it’s putting a major damper on any contributions to my travel jar. Bummer.

So I find myself in a sort of limbo. I’m not young enough to just spend money that I don’t have and float off without a care in the world anymore because it seems I know too much about the boring facts of adult responsibility (blerrrrrgh). The challenge now is to strike a healthy balance between the two. I’m not tied down to a specific job or obligation which is simply wonderful but the sad fact is, I sort of suck at money management. I’m working on it. Really, I am...but every time I get an email update about another cheap flight or groupon getaway, it takes everything within me to resist the urge to buy ALL the vacations. And the longer I go without a trip, the harder it gets. I am currently going on 6 months since my last flight and I AM ABOUT TO LOSE MY MIND, Y’ALL! The travel monster within me must be fed.

So if anyone wants to keep me out of debt and pay me to travel and then write about it, this will solve all of my problems and I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER.

This is what I look like on travel - SO HAPPY!

Peace, Love, and Travelin',

Bekah