(almost) thirty, wordy, and (still) nerdy.

I’m turning the big 3-0 in just over three weeks and people keep asking me how I’m handling it? It never fails that when I give them a perky response that I’m excited about it, they immediately do the bewildered head tilt - like they think that I’m putting on some sort of show. According to these people I’m supposed to be going through some sort of major emotional breakdown where anytime someone mentions the dirty word thirty, I break down into tears, start pulling out my hair, and shake my fists at the sky screaming “Why, God, WHY?!” This particularly happens with older generations or people who think that I should be settled in a career, own a house, and at LEAST have plans to get married and have a child like yesterday! Well I’ve got news for them -- times are a changin’.

Coming from a small rural town here in the south, I was in the minority most of my life. I knew I was different because I didn’t think like most everyone else there but managed to make the most of it and flourished during my youth. It was almost like living in one of those bubble worlds where no new information gets in and everyone is supposed to think and act the exact same way or accept their fate as the outcast. Sure, small town folk put on a smile and don’t usually berate you (to your face) but you can always count on some whispers and judgment followed by a “bless their heart” if anyone steps outside of the normal boundaries. Needless to say, as a young independent woman with a bleeding heart, big dreams, and different world views, it was a frustrating place to be. Don’t get me wrong, I love where I grew up and it helped shape me into the woman I am today. I learned so much about community, friendship, and finding beauty in the simple things. I still keep in touch with and love so many people there who do AND don’t think like me. Most of my friends are now married and on their second or third child and I love them all to pieces. But that was not my destiny and I knew it. I knew that there was something different for me and I needed to get out, explore the world, and see how others lived and thought. Different strokes for different folks, y’all!

My friends in other parts of the world always found this way of life interesting (and in their eyes, outdated) because they have already forged ahead into this brave new world where independence, free thinking, traveling, exploring, and experiencing some serious emotional breakdowns in their 20’s (and for the late bloomers, the 30’s) is the norm. These years are usually spent making all sorts of equally wonderful and terrible decisions that they will hopefully learn from and eventually grow into the person that they were intended to be [Mind you, no one knows any of this while it is actually happening. You are just living freely and having a blast or scrambling to figure yourself out and eventually resolving that it will NEVER happen during your deep, dark moments]. Sometimes it takes less time, sometimes it takes more. For me, my “growth spurt” came during my mid 20’s -- I was the poster child for Quarter-Life Crisis. Anyone who was close to me during these years witnessed some intense and extreme versions of Bekah. I made rash emotional decisions about EVERYTHING. Some led me to beautiful, life changing experiences. Others led me to crying into a bottle of wine (or 3) and stuffing my face with packs of cheetos and chocolate, which usually led to me curled up in the fetal position while rocking back and forth mumbling on my floor. I traveled, loved, won some, lost a lot, and learned a helluva lot about life and myself. In the words of Charles Dickens, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” 

I came through it all a stronger and a more self-aware version of myself. Even if I made some of the dumbest decisions of my life during those years, I am not ashamed of but thankful for them. It was the rainstorm I had to weather to be able to see and appreciate the rainbow. I fully recognize that my particular path (for lack of a better word) isn’t for everyone but that is the beautiful thing about this life -- everyone’s journey is different. Some people’s stories may be full of glamour and bold adventure. Other people’s stories may be about the small and quiet moments and struggles. Either way, they are beautiful and unique stories. 

So yes, I am hurtling toward this big milestone and I feel wonderful about it. I am right where I want to be and where I’m fairly certain I am meant to be [I went with fairly certain because let’s face it, I don’t want to jinx all of this happiness]. My early to mid 20’s were full of growing pains but they were also full of interesting people, places, and experiences. They led me to a wiser, more confident, and beautiful place full of love and opportunities. Sure my body hurts more now, I make outdated pop culture references, I can't stay up as late [Seriously. What's up with all of that?! My knee should not be giving out on me, I thought everyone knew what Pogs were, and midnight is like 5AM now!]...and I may not know what’s next but I am looking forward to it. So bring it on, 30 -- let’s thrive together! 

Peace, Love, & Thirty,

Bekah the (almost) Birthday Girl

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." - E.E. Cummings

guess who's back, back again - Bekah's back, tell a friend!

Holy Hell, y'all! It's been a long while since we last met on this blog. I would apologize for the hiatus but I was in desperate need of a break after all of the academic writing I had to do during grad school. I was burnt out and directionless in my writing. There have been moments over the past two years where I had potential blog ideas but lacked the desire to actually sit down at the computer and hammer them out (not to mention, the tiny issue of Mabel the Mac needing a brain transplant). It's been an interesting and beautiful two years away from here filled with love, laughter, travel, and a lot of questions about the direction of my "career". I now come back to blogging with clear and exciting answers to these questions - as well as a creative rejuvenation and love for the written word.

What was the catalyst for this new found inspiration, you ask? Over the last year, I had noticed a bit of a hole in my life despite all of the amazing people and moments in it. The more the idea of writing popped into my head, the more it became glaringly obvious what was missing. The problem I faced then was in what direction did I want to take my writing? Did I want to continue blogging and journaling for a hobby and a creative outlet or did I really want to dig deep and face what I’ve been yearning for, yet scared of all along...writing as a career. [Aaahhh! Yay! Eeek! WHOA!] So often we are scared of the things that we most want and those are the things that lead to one of my least favorite words in this world - regret. I’ve always prided myself on pushing my own boundaries and living a life with no regrets and if I didn’t take this next step with my writing because I was afraid of failure, I would be living a lie. The question still plagued me...what was I going to write? It wasn't until my friend, Meghan and I were inspired by a visit to the historical society museum in my hometown - we kept going on and on about what an amazing stories there were to tell. Months later a brilliant and unexpected idea was born over fire and boozin’ - we decided to write a screenplay [proof that alcohol can sometimes really inspire and help you make great life decisions].

This wasn’t shocking news to those closest to me. As a matter of fact, it made perfect sense to them (and myself, once I really thought about it). My boyfriend quickly reminded me that during our very first conversation together, I gushed on and on about my love of film, writing, and desire to eventually write a screenplay. I had said it out loud to someone else and knew then that it was coming from the deepest and truest part of my heart -- and let’s be honest, it’s been a long time coming. I have been a writer, dreamer, and film lover since my childhood. There’s nothing like the thrill of putting pen to paper or the sound of fingers tapping away at a keyboard to bring life to a story. I spent many years trying on different hats but have resolved that writing should be my top hat. No more excuses...it was time to start making my dreams of becoming a screenwriter a reality.

So Meghan and I started plowing away on it! We knew we wanted to focus on a specific historical time period at the Highlander Folk School [I won’t go into it too much because quite frankly, it would ruin the movie and we will be counting on you to spend yo dollas to see it. However, feel free to google away because it is rich in history and is still rockin’ on today.], which meant we had beaucoups of research to do before forming into the perfect story. During our research, fate intervened.

We noticed that Highlander (Research and Education Center) would be holding their very first Screenwriting Workshop with none other than Robert Ben Garant. If you aren’t familiar with Ben, he’s a Hollywood screenwriter, former writer/star of Reno 911 (Travis Jr.!), AND also the great nephew of the Highlander Folk School founder, Myles Horton. I mean, C’MON people -- the stars were aligning for us! Fate then decided to give us scholarships for the workshop, so we packed our pens, paper, and enthusiasm as we headed to the middle of nowhere in east Tennessee (beautiful green hills, mountains, and farmland for DAYS).

Y’all, it was a workshop wonderland! Inspiring. Creatively exhilarating. Educational. Entertaining. Hopeful. Happy. Thought-provoking. And above all, life-changing! We met some wonderful and interesting people that challenged and delighted me along the way. The food there was seriously scrumptious. The conversations were incredibly interesting, fun, and encouranging. We were so incredibly fortunate to be able to meet and chat with the real life leading lady in our film -- So yeah, that was pretty much amazing! Then there was Ben. He taught, nurtured, encouraged, energized, and directed us. He’s a truly funny and warm guy and I will be forever grateful for his kindness, advice, and for presenting us with the opportunity of a lifetime [note: I’m not just talking about any kind of opportunity. I’m talking about the crazy awesome, out-of-this-world, dream kind where he vowed to help us MAKE this film. Yeah...you read that right. Holy! Shiz! *still jumping up and down with insane amounts of excitement and disbelief*]. We honestly learned more than I could have ever hoped and finally started to realize that this film was REALLY going to happen. Talk about exceeding my expectations in every possible way!

Now begins the real work. We are in full research mode -- reading all that we can get our hands on, watching films, setting up interviews, reading other scripts, and jotting down inspiration for scenes and ideas by the boat loads! Even though there are moments when it seems terrifying and daunting, it will never outshine how alive I feel and comfortable I am with this new adventure.

So I guess I can actually say it now. I finally know that I am right where I was meant to be - I’m an aspiring screenwriter.

Peace Love and Movie Magic,

Bekah