Soul searching. These two words have completely consumed my world for the past several months. It all started during my jaunt around Greece and Italy this summer, where self-discovery and adventure flowed like water! I felt myself questioning the choice to move back to England, which is what I had convinced myself that I wanted for so long. But as the travels came to a close, I found myself back in London with an unsettling feeling that I just couldn't place. Even before Beebe (the best friend) left and the job hunt fully commenced, I felt this gnawing in the pit of my stomach telling me that something just wasn't right.
I was in a deep, dark contemplative state for well over a month and for those that know my typical chirpy self, this was not a pretty sight I assure you. Until, I finally reached a decision. A decision that as soon as I said it out loud, it felt like a massive weight had lifted off my shoulders and I might just sprout wings and fly. A decision that involves this gal packing her bags and proudly heading back to the land of her roots. I'm Tennessee bound as of October 1st folks!
Okay, first you'll need to pick those chins up off the floor because I know this is shocking news for most of you. Secondly, let me explain because I know you need details.
Anyone who knows me or has read this blog is very aware of my love for London and wouldn't have guessed in a million years that I would have made this choice. However, what everyone doesn't know is that simply put, I've changed. Apparently this whole turning 27 and "growing up" business causes you to reassess your life and your priorities. I looked back and for the past five years, I haven't lived in any one place for an entire year. I have been running from the real world. I've been running from real responsibilities. It's like I couldn't sit still...always searching for "something". Sure it's been amazing, fun, freeing, full of adventure and discovery! I don't regret a single day of it BUT at some point, this flighty lifestyle of mine has to end. I have to take control of my own life and take full responsibility for myself. I won't go into the gory details of it all but let's just say that I've had to be rescued by my saint of a mother and father more times that I possibly care to count or admit.
No matter where I went, how many wild dreamy ideas I came up with, or how many pickles I got myself into, my family and friends were there to support and help me every step of the way. Which leads me to the number one reason for this decision to move back to Tennessee. When I think of my future, I want them in it! I don't want to be a damned ocean away. I don't want to miss out on their lives, nor do I want them to miss out on mine...the major events, the little bits that most people consider insignificant, none of it. I want to be around for it all! Because the fact of the matter is, it's not where I am, it's the people in my life that bring me happiness and make it all worthwhile. If I've only got one life to live, I want to make damn sure that I'm living the heck out of it surrounded by all my loves!
Sure, there will always be things I miss about London (it is a magical place) and I will forever have a special place for it in my heart, filled with wonderful memories but I now know that this just isn't the place I want to call home. It's kind of a pain in the backside that it took having to come here to figure it out (since my debt has risen to a depressing level and I had to disappoint people I love here along the way) but as I've learned, sometimes life has different plans in store for you. But don't worry London, I'll be back for visits!
As for you Tennessee, you have just over a week to prepare for the south to rise again! *Insert gleeful shouting and uncontrollable excitement here*. I'm so looking forward to starting this new chapter in my life and all the surprises that it has planned for me!
Peace, Love, & Chicken Grease
Beks
