Giving up IS hard to do - But hey, sometimes ya just gotta

Au Revoir carbs! Adiós diet sodas! It's Ash Wednesday which means that the day of sacrifice has arrived and I'm bidding farewell to you for at least the next 40 days. Although technically it's spread across 46 days because traditionally you are supposed to break and celebrate on Sundays. Either way, this is the beginning of new challenge.

In the days leading up to Lent, I thought long and hard about what sort of 'thing' I wanted to give up this year and believe me, there were PLENTY to choose from (apparently my list of vices seems to be running a bit on the long side as of late). I considered going several different routes with this. You know, like giving up alcohol for example. The thing is, I drink in moderation (for the most part) so I felt like it should be something that would REALLY push me. While I know that many of you feel the need to remind me that booze carry carbs, I should clarify that I am not EATING carbs. Drinking carbs is an entirely different boat and I plan to stay on board that one!

My ultimate decision to give up EATING carbs and sucking down diet sodas leads back to grad school and the incredibly unhealthy lifestyle I lead during that entire process. I consumed more caffeine, (wine-beer-whiskey), carbs, and chocolate than I possibly care to remember. I'm not beating myself up for it because at the time, it was the key to my survival. It was my comfort in a time where I thought that I might possibly lose my mind. They all stuck by me through nervous breakdowns and painful writing processes.

However, that's all over now. Somehow, I finished. Somehow, I survived. Somehow, I wrote my dissertation and I wrote it well...Really well. I'm graduating in July and I'm starting my life in London come August. With the torture (i.e. Grad school) in the past now and with so much to look forward to, I'm ready to rid my life of unnecessary and unhealthy habits.

So why not during Lent? It seems like the perfect opportunity to weed out those nasty bits of your life that plague you. It's a time of sacrifice and test of will power. A time to really focus on yourself and your inner strength. Ultimately this isn't just a sacrifice for me but also a stepping stone to a healthier and I imagine, much happier version of myself.



Peace, Love, & (Hold the) Chicken Grease


Beks

A Perfect Kind of Lonely

It may or may not come as a surprise that my track record with men hasn’t exactly been successful. Actually…who am I kidding? It’s been downright disastrous! I can sum up my three major relationships with this:

1. Girl falls for boy. Boy treats girl like a Queen. Girl was too young to appreciate this and dumped boy.

2. Girl falls for boy. Boy is lying, cheating, game playing, emotionally abusive EFFwit with multiple girlfriends. Girl gets heart ripped out, stomped on, and fed to the fishies. Girl dumps boy.

3. Girl falls for boy. Boy “seems” amazing! Boy is everything that girl has ever wanted and more. However, boy is emotionally unavailable and does not fall for girl. Girl keeps boy as a friend because she is a masochist who can’t let go and continues to torture self for several years holding out hope that boy will magically change and fall for girl. This does not happen. Instead, it turns out that the boy is a wolf in sheep's clothing. He’s nothing like he “seemed” to be. Girl is left heartbroken and scarred.

In between these “relationships” were countless almosts, maybes, no ways, and run for your lifers. I’ve dated the scum of the earth and also, been lucky to meet some pretty fantastic men along with way. Sadly, the pretty fantastic men always seem to fall into the “wrong place, wrong time” category (story of my life).

When I set out to write this blog several months ago, I could never finish it and for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why. At the time, I was in a very “what am I doing wrong” or “what’s wrong with me” place with the male gender. Oh the clarity a few short months can bring. The reason for this unfinished work was that I was initially setting out to write a blog of self-pity and loneliness, when the fact of the matter is…I’m actually “Perfectly Lonely” when it comes right down to it. It wasn’t until I heard John Mayer’s new album Battle Studies that this relationship revelation reached the surface. It had been waiting for the go ahead, the moment when it would be okay to pop up and admit that at this point in my life, I’m actually quite content with my singleton lifestyle…for now.

Let’s put it this way. Here I am, a woman of 26 fresh out of grad school patiently waiting out her time in Nashville until she can return to her heart in ole Blighty! What about this situation screams ready for a relationship? Umm, nothing, that’s what. I am a bird in flight to what will hopefully be a final destination. A destination where I hope to perch my British lovin’ booty down for good! I know where I want to go and this is just the waiting room…a place to bide my time …a place to cherish my time with friends and family…a place to focus on thyself and get to know that girl within just a little bit better. This is not the place for a relationship. A little romance here and there…why not?! I’ve still got needs after all. However, I know where to draw the line. I know what I want at this moment in time and a ball-n-chain situation is NOT included.

So thank you Mr. Mayer first for the most AMAZING night of my life on Wednesday. Standing in that front row listening to you sing your soul, watching your guitar-God hands play with such vivacity, and longing for those luscious red lips that contort to the sounds of your instrument left me with a rejuvenated zest for life and a deeper love and appreciation for you & your talent. The second and more significant thank you pertaining to this blog is simply this…Thank You. Thank you for writing the theme to my 26^th year. I certainly couldn’t have said it better myself.

“Perfectly Lonely” – John Mayer (Battle Studies)

Had a little love, but I spread it thin
Falling in her arms and out again
Made a bed made for my game round town
Tore out my heart, and shut it down.

Nothing to do, nowhere to be.
I sip a little kind of free
Nothing to do, no one but me
That's all I need

I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely, yeah
'Cause I don't belong to anyone
nobody belongs to me.

I see my friends around from time to time
When their ladies let them slip away
And when they ask how I'm doing with mine
This is always what I say

Nothing to do, nowehre to be
I sip a little kind of free
Nothing to do, no one to be
Isn't it hard to see

Why I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely, yeah
'Cause I don't belong to anyone, nobody belongs to me

And this is not to say there never comes a day
I'll take my chances and start again
And when I look behind on all my younger times
I'll have to fake her arms that led me to a love so strong

I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely, yeah
'Cause I don't belong to anyone, nobody belongs

It's the way, that's the way, it's the way that I want it...

John Mayer - Nashville, TN February 10, 2010

Peace, Love, & Chicken Grease

Beks