(almost) thirty, wordy, and (still) nerdy.

I’m turning the big 3-0 in just over three weeks and people keep asking me how I’m handling it? It never fails that when I give them a perky response that I’m excited about it, they immediately do the bewildered head tilt - like they think that I’m putting on some sort of show. According to these people I’m supposed to be going through some sort of major emotional breakdown where anytime someone mentions the dirty word thirty, I break down into tears, start pulling out my hair, and shake my fists at the sky screaming “Why, God, WHY?!” This particularly happens with older generations or people who think that I should be settled in a career, own a house, and at LEAST have plans to get married and have a child like yesterday! Well I’ve got news for them -- times are a changin’.

Coming from a small rural town here in the south, I was in the minority most of my life. I knew I was different because I didn’t think like most everyone else there but managed to make the most of it and flourished during my youth. It was almost like living in one of those bubble worlds where no new information gets in and everyone is supposed to think and act the exact same way or accept their fate as the outcast. Sure, small town folk put on a smile and don’t usually berate you (to your face) but you can always count on some whispers and judgment followed by a “bless their heart” if anyone steps outside of the normal boundaries. Needless to say, as a young independent woman with a bleeding heart, big dreams, and different world views, it was a frustrating place to be. Don’t get me wrong, I love where I grew up and it helped shape me into the woman I am today. I learned so much about community, friendship, and finding beauty in the simple things. I still keep in touch with and love so many people there who do AND don’t think like me. Most of my friends are now married and on their second or third child and I love them all to pieces. But that was not my destiny and I knew it. I knew that there was something different for me and I needed to get out, explore the world, and see how others lived and thought. Different strokes for different folks, y’all!

My friends in other parts of the world always found this way of life interesting (and in their eyes, outdated) because they have already forged ahead into this brave new world where independence, free thinking, traveling, exploring, and experiencing some serious emotional breakdowns in their 20’s (and for the late bloomers, the 30’s) is the norm. These years are usually spent making all sorts of equally wonderful and terrible decisions that they will hopefully learn from and eventually grow into the person that they were intended to be [Mind you, no one knows any of this while it is actually happening. You are just living freely and having a blast or scrambling to figure yourself out and eventually resolving that it will NEVER happen during your deep, dark moments]. Sometimes it takes less time, sometimes it takes more. For me, my “growth spurt” came during my mid 20’s -- I was the poster child for Quarter-Life Crisis. Anyone who was close to me during these years witnessed some intense and extreme versions of Bekah. I made rash emotional decisions about EVERYTHING. Some led me to beautiful, life changing experiences. Others led me to crying into a bottle of wine (or 3) and stuffing my face with packs of cheetos and chocolate, which usually led to me curled up in the fetal position while rocking back and forth mumbling on my floor. I traveled, loved, won some, lost a lot, and learned a helluva lot about life and myself. In the words of Charles Dickens, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” 

I came through it all a stronger and a more self-aware version of myself. Even if I made some of the dumbest decisions of my life during those years, I am not ashamed of but thankful for them. It was the rainstorm I had to weather to be able to see and appreciate the rainbow. I fully recognize that my particular path (for lack of a better word) isn’t for everyone but that is the beautiful thing about this life -- everyone’s journey is different. Some people’s stories may be full of glamour and bold adventure. Other people’s stories may be about the small and quiet moments and struggles. Either way, they are beautiful and unique stories. 

So yes, I am hurtling toward this big milestone and I feel wonderful about it. I am right where I want to be and where I’m fairly certain I am meant to be [I went with fairly certain because let’s face it, I don’t want to jinx all of this happiness]. My early to mid 20’s were full of growing pains but they were also full of interesting people, places, and experiences. They led me to a wiser, more confident, and beautiful place full of love and opportunities. Sure my body hurts more now, I make outdated pop culture references, I can't stay up as late [Seriously. What's up with all of that?! My knee should not be giving out on me, I thought everyone knew what Pogs were, and midnight is like 5AM now!]...and I may not know what’s next but I am looking forward to it. So bring it on, 30 -- let’s thrive together! 

Peace, Love, & Thirty,

Bekah the (almost) Birthday Girl

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." - E.E. Cummings