A Perfect Kind of Lonely

It may or may not come as a surprise that my track record with men hasn’t exactly been successful. Actually…who am I kidding? It’s been downright disastrous! I can sum up my three major relationships with this:

1. Girl falls for boy. Boy treats girl like a Queen. Girl was too young to appreciate this and dumped boy.

2. Girl falls for boy. Boy is lying, cheating, game playing, emotionally abusive EFFwit with multiple girlfriends. Girl gets heart ripped out, stomped on, and fed to the fishies. Girl dumps boy.

3. Girl falls for boy. Boy “seems” amazing! Boy is everything that girl has ever wanted and more. However, boy is emotionally unavailable and does not fall for girl. Girl keeps boy as a friend because she is a masochist who can’t let go and continues to torture self for several years holding out hope that boy will magically change and fall for girl. This does not happen. Instead, it turns out that the boy is a wolf in sheep's clothing. He’s nothing like he “seemed” to be. Girl is left heartbroken and scarred.

In between these “relationships” were countless almosts, maybes, no ways, and run for your lifers. I’ve dated the scum of the earth and also, been lucky to meet some pretty fantastic men along with way. Sadly, the pretty fantastic men always seem to fall into the “wrong place, wrong time” category (story of my life).

When I set out to write this blog several months ago, I could never finish it and for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why. At the time, I was in a very “what am I doing wrong” or “what’s wrong with me” place with the male gender. Oh the clarity a few short months can bring. The reason for this unfinished work was that I was initially setting out to write a blog of self-pity and loneliness, when the fact of the matter is…I’m actually “Perfectly Lonely” when it comes right down to it. It wasn’t until I heard John Mayer’s new album Battle Studies that this relationship revelation reached the surface. It had been waiting for the go ahead, the moment when it would be okay to pop up and admit that at this point in my life, I’m actually quite content with my singleton lifestyle…for now.

Let’s put it this way. Here I am, a woman of 26 fresh out of grad school patiently waiting out her time in Nashville until she can return to her heart in ole Blighty! What about this situation screams ready for a relationship? Umm, nothing, that’s what. I am a bird in flight to what will hopefully be a final destination. A destination where I hope to perch my British lovin’ booty down for good! I know where I want to go and this is just the waiting room…a place to bide my time …a place to cherish my time with friends and family…a place to focus on thyself and get to know that girl within just a little bit better. This is not the place for a relationship. A little romance here and there…why not?! I’ve still got needs after all. However, I know where to draw the line. I know what I want at this moment in time and a ball-n-chain situation is NOT included.

So thank you Mr. Mayer first for the most AMAZING night of my life on Wednesday. Standing in that front row listening to you sing your soul, watching your guitar-God hands play with such vivacity, and longing for those luscious red lips that contort to the sounds of your instrument left me with a rejuvenated zest for life and a deeper love and appreciation for you & your talent. The second and more significant thank you pertaining to this blog is simply this…Thank You. Thank you for writing the theme to my 26^th year. I certainly couldn’t have said it better myself.

“Perfectly Lonely” – John Mayer (Battle Studies)

Had a little love, but I spread it thin
Falling in her arms and out again
Made a bed made for my game round town
Tore out my heart, and shut it down.

Nothing to do, nowhere to be.
I sip a little kind of free
Nothing to do, no one but me
That's all I need

I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely, yeah
'Cause I don't belong to anyone
nobody belongs to me.

I see my friends around from time to time
When their ladies let them slip away
And when they ask how I'm doing with mine
This is always what I say

Nothing to do, nowehre to be
I sip a little kind of free
Nothing to do, no one to be
Isn't it hard to see

Why I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely, yeah
'Cause I don't belong to anyone, nobody belongs to me

And this is not to say there never comes a day
I'll take my chances and start again
And when I look behind on all my younger times
I'll have to fake her arms that led me to a love so strong

I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely, yeah
'Cause I don't belong to anyone, nobody belongs

It's the way, that's the way, it's the way that I want it...

John Mayer - Nashville, TN February 10, 2010

Peace, Love, & Chicken Grease

Beks

The Red Carpet: A Place Made For Judgment

So I finally got a chance to catch up on the SAG Awards (thank you technology!) and do what I do best...pass judgment. While I'm not a fan of judgment in general mind you, I do find the passing of it on red carpet fashion choices to be downright enjoyable. However, the SAG Awards did not bring out the ugly quite like the Golden Globes this year. Instead, I spent the entire time drooling over countless Couture, textured gowns, and fierce choices! Here's a selection of my favorite fashions of the night...

Kate Hudson looked white hot in this striking Pucci number!


Mustard is no easy color to pull off but Diane Kruger looks like a class act in Jason Wu.


John Krasinski...Now that is one tall glass of dashing water!


Green with envy! Lea Michele looked stunning in this Catherine Malandrino gown.


Tennessee + Italy makes for a great combo because JT looks smokin' hot in Dolce & Gabbana.


Carey Mulligan combines sweet & bold in this beautifully textured Lanvin gown.


Drew Barrymore always takes a risk and this tiered Monique Lhuillier looks like a piece of art!


You're a long way from Bon Temps but Ryan Kwanten, you sure do clean up nice in Hugo Boss.



Christina Applegate is simply chic in this sky blue Roberto Cavalli creation.

And the ACTOR goes to...

To be quite honest, I was pretty much on board with all of the winning choices. Bravo actors, you voted brilliantly (for the most part)!

So here's the breakdown...

My favorite Basterds took home the big one of the night. Jeff Bridges is a truly gracious good ole boy. My BFF, Sandra Bullock is a star in every sense of the word. Christoph Waltz may have been the most deserving but his speeches are just...bizarre! Mo'Nique praised others. The Mad Men are very beardy. GLEE! GLEE! GLEE! Michael C. Hall & Julianna Margulies take their seconds of the season. Alec Baldwin & Tina Fey rocked the awards (per usual). Kevin Bacon wins and last but not least, the incredibly deserving Drew Barrymore takes one for her role in Grey Gardens!


Stay tuned for the next award show installment. The Grammy Awards always provide the most "intriguing" fashion choices and invite judgment! Until then...


Peace, Love, & Chicken Grease

Beks

It Was Just A Suggestion

Well hells bells! When did mid January arrive and why haven’t I posted my “beginning” of the year blog? Better late than never…Right?

In honor of this most glorious New Year, I’ve decided to rid my life of resolutions because quite frankly, when have I ever actually kept them? Oh, that’s right. NEVER. However, since 2009 was like one giant bitch slap to the face, I’ve decided to take some steps, in the form of “Suggestions” (less pressure if I fail) to help out the 2010 life! Heaven knows I can’t take another year of the extreme emotional, mental, and physical strife that the-year-that-shall-not-be-named brought me.

So here we go. A list of mere “suggestions” to help make 2010 a year that doesn’t make me want to jam a pencil in my eye and jump out a window…or something less painful and dramatic.



Suggestion #1: Take care of the ole body. After all, I’m kinda stuck with it so I should probably be kind to it. You know, keep it up & running properly.

Suggestion #2: Start living life for thyself. Sometimes it’s okay to be a little selfish. In fact, it’s downright healthy! Otherwise, we spend a lifetime trying to please everyone around us and never truly live the life we imagined in the first place. This always leads to resentment and a fan of this, I am not.

Suggestion #3: Spend every moment I can with the people I love while I’m still a Tennessee resident. It’s a hard knock life always feeling torn between the people I love and the place that stole my heart. So while I’m still near the dear loveys, I plan to make the most of it.

Suggestion #4: I must stop beating myself up for every little thing. Stop making impossible comparisons to others. I need to learn to appreciate what I’ve been given and be kind to myself if I slip up along the way. I am human. I will make mistakes. I will never be perfect…no one is (well unless you’re Mary Poppins and even she was just “practically” perfect). When I think about the way I talk to myself sometimes, it’s BRUTAL. I would never stand for that from anyone else so why do I treat myself so terribly?!

Suggestion #5: More writing, less wasting time being distracted. (Note: In order to maintain this “suggestion”, must keep the ADHD prescription filled!)

Suggestion #6: Cut back on the spending and throw back some moolah into savings! European adventures and transcontinental moves don’t exactly come cheap, in case you forgot. What this really means is stay away from the following:

• Target
• Cute lil quirky boutiques
• Bookstores (need I remind you of the already waste high stack of books you have waiting to be read)
• Less Starbucks and other arm-costing coffee beverages (You do realize that you have a coffee maker at home, right?)
• Best Buy or any other entertainment related store (I think your 400+ film collection will just have to do for now!)
• iTunes (Just because you can’t feel it in your hands, doesn’t mean you didn’t just spend your entire tips for the day)
• Urban Outfitters…whether the actual store or the online store! (You have ZERO self-control when it comes to pretty patterns…and fun tops…and vibrant colors...and sassy dresses…and cozy materials…and adorable hats…and all the beauty that is housed under that glorious name…sigh. Wait. Crap. Shakes it off. Daydreaming about fashion over and suggestion writing resumed!) In other words, STAY AWAY if you ever want to have money again. Far, far, FAR away!
• I would suggest cutting back on alcohol to save money but who am I kidding? I’m gonna need all the booze I can get to survive the rest of these restrictions!
  

Suggestion #7: It’s time to let go. There are moments in life when you need to recognize the people or things that are hurting or hindering you from moving forward and cut them loose. I’ve been known to hold on to these certain people or things with a death grip! I don’t like to think that something or someone who had such an impact on my life could become such a burden. So 2010 is going to be all about letting go and freeing myself to move on. Buh-bye burdens.

Suggestion #8: How about following through with projects. I sure do love to start them…LOTS of them. However, I haven’t been the best at finishing said projects. This might be because I’ve always had the problem of getting distracted with a new project (can you say ADHD?) and become eager to start it, thus abandoning the previous project. It’s a vicious cycle. Now that I have meds in my possession (Hallelujah!), hopefully my ability to focus will solve the ole following through problem. Fingers Crossed people, fingers crossed!


Well I’ve managed eight “suggestions” for the Oh-10. I was going to shoot for ten but there’s always so much pressure that comes with that number. Eight seems more do-able. Yes, I like eight.

So here’s to you 2010, I “suggest” that you be kind to me because this could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.


Peace, Love, & Chicken Grease
Beks




“If you don't like the road you're walking, start paving another one.”
~Dolly Parton

The Globes. You Know, The Golden Ones.

Yesterday was the beginning of my favorite season. Award show season! A season that brings together a collection of my favorites in the form of film, television, music, fashion, and dazzlingly dapper actors. Stick me in front of a screen with a red carpet and shiny golden awards and this gal has died and gone to hog heaven! So sit back and enjoy my musings on each event as I blog it up, starting with last nights 67th Annual Golden Globe Awards.

Roll out the Red Carpet for SOME of my Fashion Favs:

Anna Paquin's bedazzled Stella McCartney gown won my Sparkle-lovin' heart!

Ginnifer Goodwin is Pixie perfect in cobalt blue.

MOST ADORABLE COUPLE AWARD

Emily Blunt is blushingly beautiful in that Dolce & Gabbanna gown and the always-adorable John Krasinski stands out in that navy blue tux!

Penelope Cruz is stunning in this Lacetastic Giorgio Armani Prive gown.

Taylor Lautner shines without that suit but dannnnng boy, hurry up and turn 18!

Toni Collette shines in Elie Saab!

I want to drown in Chace Crawford's baby blues. *sigh*

Lee Michele is full-skirted & fabulous in the always impressive Oscar de la Renta

Classic Chic Jennifer Aniston and the oh so tasty Gerard Butler

Please step off the Red Carpet! My TOP 3 Fashion Nightmares of the night:

Kate Hudson looks like a white hot mess!

Cher opted for the Morticia Adams meets Pirate hooker look.

Christina Hendricks, while I think you are a bombshell beauty, never put peach on porcelain skin again. Please and Thank You.

AND THE GOLDEN GLOBE GOES TO...

While there were several I will leave alone due simply to my own personal preferences, I can’t ignore the absolute award ROBBERY that took place during the Golden Globes tonight. I think the Hollywood Foreign Press might have opted for the Eeny-meeny-miny-moe method on several occasions or rather the we’re going to vote for all the big hits at the box office! Ricky Gervais said it best, “A Golden Globe cannot be bought, officially.”

My (limited) Golden Globe Highlights:

Ricky Gervais. Enough said.

Drew Barrymore for Grey Gardens (not including that dreadful rambling speech).

Up for ‘Best Animated Feature’! What a sweet and adorable film. However, it should have also won for the most heartbreaking first five minutes of a film EVER.

Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner win Best Screenplay for Up in The Air. Well deserved and deeply happy about this one. Reitman even warmed my heart up with his sweet shout out to his wife.

Robert De Niro was hilarious and Leonardo DiCaprio was truly appreciative in a genuinely heartfelt tribute to Martin Scorsese. He’s such an adorable little old man full of love for the art of filmmaking and a true talent.

GLEE!!!!! They take the win for ‘Best Televison Series, Comedy or Musical’ and I was positively giddy for the new kids on the block. This might have been the only point during the ceremony where the Hollywood Foreign Press redeemed themselves for a few shining moments.

Sandra Bullock wins ‘Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama’. While I know many people were pulling for newcomer Gabourey Sidibe, I can’t help but rejoice in Sandy’s win! I love her dearly.

Robert Downey Jr.’s speech for his ‘Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Comedy’ made me giggle. A LOT. Whether he deserved the award or not, I’m glad he won for the sheer fact that his speech was the most entertaining one of the entire night!

WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!

Alec Baldwin wins for ‘Best Actor in a Television Series, Comedy or Musical’ yet AGAIN. Really? REALLY? Don’t get me wrong, I love 30 Rock but there were so many other great performances this past year and I just felt someone else deserved their shining moment. Particularly Matthew Morrison from Glee but that might be my raging lust for him talking!

In my mind, I’m going to pretend that Jane Lynch took the globe for ‘Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television’ because there was no one more deserving of this one. She got ROBBED!

James Cameron wins ‘Best Director’ for Avatar. Oh, hell no! He’s the least deserving of all the nominees. *grumble grumble*

While I do love The Hangover, I honestly felt that (500) Days of Summer should have taken home the gold for ‘Best Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical’. It was original. A fresh, funky gem of a flick!

And the worst moment of the entire night, Avatar takes the top award for ‘Best Motion Picture, Drama’. SERIOUSLY? Best Drama? You’re joking, right Hollywood Foreign Press? I get the whole this a really visually stunning production with loads of new technology and all that jazz but that dialogue was truly horrific. Painful even. I would much prefer to sit through that film with just a score…or maybe some earplugs! You did watch Up in the Air right? What about Inglorious Bastards? Precious? The Hurt Locker? Oh my bad, ‘Best Drama’ must translate to ‘Biggest Money Maker’.

Stay tuned next week for the SAG Awards breakdown. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the actors might have got it right!

Peace, Love, & Chicken Grease

Beks

What's in a Tweet?

As I was sitting here this morning sipping on a nice cuppa tea and reading my first tweets of the day, one of my fellow tweeters, followers, friends (or whatever you choose to call the people in which you converse via the Twitter world) had posted a link to what is known as a 'tweet cloud'. Intrigued, I clicked on the link and discovered that this tweet cloud collects the words used most within your tweets by either day, week, months, or within the last year. Being the complete word nerd that I am, creating one of these was obviously necessary.

Choosing a time frame was easy enough considering my curiosity for learning what words dominated one of the most stressful, thrilling years of my life! Within a few short clicks of a button, the past year of my tweeting life was organized first in order of most used words and then neatly into a colorful cloud of words (found here):

http://tweetcloud.icodeforlove.com/southerndreamer/69222

Here are the Top Tweeting Ten highlights:

1. The fact that LOVE is my most used tweeting word is both perfect and completely comical. I wish you knew how many times people have brought up the fact that I am what some would refer to as a 'love whore'. Sure, I'm a lover of the word love and I just love to use it whenever I lovin' can! I figure if that's the word most associated with my name, I'm not doing too shabby in this life.

2, 3, 4, 5. Time, Night, Life, Dissertation...these four words pretty much sum up what the mass majority of the last year of my life revolved around. Time for this deadline, time for that one; more sleepless nights than I ever care to remember; and it all lead up to the ultimate ruler of the 25th(ish) year of my life...the 'dreaded' dissertation. Yup, sounds about right to me!

6. Watching. Wow. This tweet cloud is showing my soul! I'm always watching. It's one of my all time favorite activities...people watching, watching films, watching life happen all around. The problem here sometimes becomes that I get caught up in watching, rather than living.

7, 8, 9. Happy, London, Days. I decided to group these into one category because I'm not sure that anything could more accurately describe my life and LOVE for that city. Happy London Days pretty much says it all!

10. Sweet. The fact that this word rounded out my Top Tweeting Ten actually surprised me a bit. Not because I'm against the word because it is in fact, a very 'sweet' word. Apparently, I'm just unaware of my extreme use of this word in my everyday descriptions of this 'sweet' life.


Further Tweet Cloud inspection can be summed up with the last year of my life apparently being filled with quality music and films. I must have run off coffee from the exhaustion of no sleep due to writing research causing my brain to go crazy and completely dreading the mornings when my body didn't feel ready to face the day! I spent many tonights hahahaing with amazing friends, talking about the pretty people and waiting on what the tomorrows would bring. I'm a girl with a lovely life, always feeling with my whole heart. I hear about news, write words, and dream of the world outside of Nashville, always missing London and looking forward to getting back to the true home of my heart soon. It's gonna be hard darlin to leave people behind but everyone knows I think mainly with my heart and not my head. But they know the life I hope for and know I will check in on them no matter where I am in this world. Oh, and I'm apparently very polite, always using my dears, pleases, and thank yous.


I can now safely say that tweeting your life away DOES in fact breed self-discovery. So how about all you twitter haters put that in your pipe and smoke it!


Peace, Love, & Chicken Grease

Beks



"By all means use sometimes to be alone. Salute thyself; see what thy soul doth wear." ~George Herbert

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes

The decision to move back to London is FINAL. Visa information and applications are underway and the saving of pennies has commenced, which basically means that I am the happiest lil lady that this world might possibly have ever seen! However, the big move isn’t until next summer so as I’ve previously mentioned, I plan on fully making the most of my time here on southern soil. I shall also be using the next 7 months as one big giant self-improvement project because let me tell you, grad school did a real number on my mind, body, and spirit! So I’m counting on you lovely folks for support and the occasional kick in the ass when I start slacking, as I am fully aware that I do require those from time to time.


So here are the basics:

This ragged, abused, lazy body of mine MUST be whipped into shape! A gym must be joined and these muscles must be utilized. I’m certain they feel neglected after a yearlong hiatus from the world of exercise and overall well-being. Apparently sitting on your tookus in front of glowing computer screen while eating cheap junk food to survive the torture that is grad school doesn’t exactly do a body good. Shocking, I know! I could probably count the number of times I’ve worked out over the last year and belieeeeeeve me, my body has suffered the consequences. While I (miraculously) haven’t gained any weight, I know how my clothes are supposed to fall on my body and they sure aren’t fallin’ right. I’m ready for a change and my body is aching for one…literally! Not to mention, if I'm gonna be dragging my arse all over Europe next summer, I want it to be a toned one!


Bonus: This physical change will no doubt, have a positive effect on the weary mind and tainted spirit. My brain was sent into overdrive and pushed to its absolute limit! I was challenged every step of the way and have learned that I am capable of much more than I ever thought. However, I think it deserves a break and by break I mean that I am going to allow it to run free…reading, writing, and exploring the world, all for pleasure! On the other hand, the mind and I have a few things we need to work on as well. For example, my unexplained and misplaced guilt issues (which cause me to think I should probably have been Catholic).


As for the ole spirit, well let’s just say that while it may not have been completely broken by grad school and some rough patches this past year, it certainly has some cracks that need to be mended. I’m already seeing the progress in this area but when it comes to a few certain areas (i.e. matters of the heart, men, my reign as Queen of Unrequited Love, etc), I can’t seem to keep it lifted. I’m pretty much as hopeless as the hopeless romantics can get and I don’t even want to get started on my pathetic excuse for a dating life. Pardon me, my NON-EXISTENT dating life. I know, I know, it’s probably not the right time for me to be meeting a specific someone with the move back across the pond approaching in the not to distant future but the lack of companionship does wear on the heart at times. Granted, I have officially decided that Tennessee has something to do with it because it’s a proven fact that I’m appreciated more ANYWHERE but here. True story, theory tested, proven FACT! In other words, I guess I should just suck it up for the time being and look forward to taking steps in that area of my life when the timing is right and focus on lifting the spirits elsewhere for now? Yes?


So what I’m asking of you, my dahlings is that you take the time out every so often to check in and see how I’m coming along. A little support always helps keep me motivated and accountable. So get your words and boots ready because I will be the first to admit that I’m going to need you to give me a swift kick along the way to remind me what I’m working for…a healthier, happier, balanced, improved version of yours truly.


Peace, Love, & Chicken Grease

Beks



“It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will” – Sam Cooke