1. Girl falls for boy. Boy treats girl like a Queen. Girl was too young to appreciate this and dumped boy.
2. Girl falls for boy. Boy is lying, cheating, game playing, emotionally abusive EFFwit with multiple girlfriends. Girl gets heart ripped out, stomped on, and fed to the fishies. Girl dumps boy.
3. Girl falls for boy. Boy “seems” amazing! Boy is everything that girl has ever wanted and more. However, boy is emotionally unavailable and does not fall for girl. Girl keeps boy as a friend because she is a masochist who can’t let go and continues to torture self for several years holding out hope that boy will magically change and fall for girl. This does not happen. Instead, it turns out that the boy is a wolf in sheep's clothing. He’s nothing like he “seemed” to be. Girl is left heartbroken and scarred.
In between these “relationships” were countless almosts, maybes, no ways, and run for your lifers. I’ve dated the scum of the earth and also, been lucky to meet some pretty fantastic men along with way. Sadly, the pretty fantastic men always seem to fall into the “wrong place, wrong time” category (story of my life).
When I set out to write this blog several months ago, I could never finish it and for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why. At the time, I was in a very “what am I doing wrong” or “what’s wrong with me” place with the male gender. Oh the clarity a few short months can bring. The reason for this unfinished work was that I was initially setting out to write a blog of self-pity and loneliness, when the fact of the matter is…I’m actually “Perfectly Lonely” when it comes right down to it. It wasn’t until I heard John Mayer’s new album Battle Studies that this relationship revelation reached the surface. It had been waiting for the go ahead, the moment when it would be okay to pop up and admit that at this point in my life, I’m actually quite content with my singleton lifestyle…for now.
Let’s put it this way. Here I am, a woman of 26 fresh out of grad school patiently waiting out her time in Nashville until she can return to her heart in ole Blighty! What about this situation screams ready for a relationship? Umm, nothing, that’s what. I am a bird in flight to what will hopefully be a final destination. A destination where I hope to perch my British lovin’ booty down for good! I know where I want to go and this is just the waiting room…a place to bide my time …a place to cherish my time with friends and family…a place to focus on thyself and get to know that girl within just a little bit better. This is not the place for a relationship. A little romance here and there…why not?! I’ve still got needs after all. However, I know where to draw the line. I know what I want at this moment in time and a ball-n-chain situation is NOT included.
So thank you Mr. Mayer first for the most AMAZING night of my life on Wednesday. Standing in that front row listening to you sing your soul, watching your guitar-God hands play with such vivacity, and longing for those luscious red lips that contort to the sounds of your instrument left me with a rejuvenated zest for life and a deeper love and appreciation for you & your talent. The second and more significant thank you pertaining to this blog is simply this…Thank You. Thank you for writing the theme to my 26th year. I certainly couldn’t have said it better myself.
“Perfectly Lonely” – John Mayer (Battle Studies)
Had a little love, but I spread it thin
Falling in her arms and out again
Made a bed made for my game round town
Tore out my heart, and shut it down.
Nothing to do, nowhere to be.
I sip a little kind of free
Nothing to do, no one but me
That's all I need
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely, yeah
'Cause I don't belong to anyone
nobody belongs to me.
I see my friends around from time to time
When their ladies let them slip away
And when they ask how I'm doing with mine
This is always what I say
Nothing to do, nowehre to be
I sip a little kind of free
Nothing to do, no one to be
Isn't it hard to see
Why I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely, yeah
'Cause I don't belong to anyone, nobody belongs to me
And this is not to say there never comes a day
I'll take my chances and start again
And when I look behind on all my younger times
I'll have to fake her arms that led me to a love so strong
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely, yeah
'Cause I don't belong to anyone, nobody belongs
It's the way, that's the way, it's the way that I want it...
John Mayer - Nashville, TN February 10, 2010
Peace, Love, & Chicken Grease
Beks
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ReplyDeleteI'm glad someone took the honesty of what living life is like for most times. Just being perfectly lonely, and not on a constant search for the perfect person I feel most people I encounter are on. At 28, I've been perfectly lonely the whole time, living life as I wish and hoping that, maybe, just maybe someday I'll meet someone willing to walk the path with me, eventually walking an aisle, and so forth and so on. But, it has to happen when its Time, when God sees you both are ready. I live my fine through a song also, Mr. Buble's "Haven't Met You Yet." cause:
ReplyDelete"I might have to wait,
I’ll never give up,
I guess it's half timin',
and the other half's luck,
Wherever you are,
Whenever it's right,
You'll come outta nowhere and into my life.
And I know that it'll be so amazing,
and baby your love's gonna change me....
I just haven't met you, yet."
It's a real comfort reaching this point. The point where you're really getting to know yourself and comfortable in your own skin. All the while knowing that one day you'll be able to share it with someone when the timing is RIGHT and you're a better person for never settling and truly knowing yourself. It's a Love-o-ley feeling, isn't it?!
ReplyDeleteOh and I ADORE that song too =)